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Good Story Writing Inadvertently Reveals Incompetence

Sometimes, really good story-telling can backfire… BADLY!

The perfect example of this is on Law & Order SVU… Honestly I dislike this show. I know it’s popular, but honestly it’s barely a cheap dime store replacement for the original and for many reasons. Most notably in my case, the characters (except Munch) are NOT likable. They are grossly incompetent, way over emotional for their jobs, and too quick to judgment. This is made abundantly clear in the 2005 episode entitled ‘Contagious’

The Episode Info

Where do I begin with this Episode…

Well let’s take a look at the plot:

A drunk driver causes a car accident with a family of three in Central Park. The family survives the crash, but are taken to the hospital to have their injuries treated. As a doctor tries to change Holly’s clothes and replace them with a hospital gown, the girl immediately panics, impulsively and frantically kicking at the doctor. At this point, it’s assumed that there has been sexual foul play, and the hospital contacts SVU… and here’s where the fun begins…

With her parents unconscious and undergoing surgery, the hospital finds that they can’t get permission to take a physical exam in order to determine whether or not she was assaulted… since they appeared to be awake a few scenes later, you would think that they could wait to get that info… However Detectives Benson and Over-actor… ahem, I mean Stabler are called and Casey Novak, who’s own incompetence I will get into later, gives them court-ordered permission to carry out the exam. Hendrix still needs the presence of the police to document the progress of the examination of Holly, and though she prefers not to have any strange men in the room, Holly seems to take comfort in the presence of Detective Stabler… wonderful… it’s going to be a stabler drama episode… Here we go…

As their worst fears are confirmed, the SVU tries to find out who molested Holly… without… you know, looking into any residual DNA evidence that could still be present or anything like that. After revealing the abuse to her parents (wait, weren’t they out cold?), they claim that her injury was due to a bicycling accident, and medical records confirm this, which rules them out as suspects.

Despite their concerns over her psychological well-being, they agree to let Benson interview her, and eventually, she breaks down and finally admits she was molested, but refuses to reveal the culprit, because he threatened to shoot her and her family. To make matters worse she also reveals that he killed Laura Swift, a girl around Holly’s age who is the subject of a widely publicized missing persons incident who hasn’t been seen since she was in Flushing Meadows – Corona Park. So things are heating up. Time to take the kid gloves off and do some actual, professional, proper investigation, right? Oh ho ho, you clearly don’t know Law and Order SVU my friends…

The detectives now realize that besides finding out who molested Holly, they also have to find Laura Swift’s body and drama ensues. During another psychological exam, Dr. Hendrix (another one whose incompetence we’ll get into later) gives her the opportunity to draw, and is quite impressed with her artistic skills, yet blatantly ignores some very telling evidence in the pictures that could have helped solve this a lot sooner… moving on…

Meanwhile, Benson and Stabler interview Mark and Julie Dobbins a couple who are friends of the Purcell family and have daughters of their own. While interviewing Holly’s art teacher, Fin and Munch find that Holly deliberately injured herself to get out of gym (problem #1, we now have psychological issues that need to be addressed… but won’t be.). Benson and Stabler then interview the nurse to see if she thinks the injuries were an accident and the nurse says no. What they do find out is that Holly had been injuring herself for the past three weeks to get out of gym class. They also meet a boy on Dobbins’ lacrosse team named Kevin Wilcox, who reveals that Mark Dobbins is the gym teacher and a substitute is filling in for him right then because he had a game that night, which gives them a reason to suspect Dobbins.

After much prodding by Dr. Hendrix… who again ignores the pictures, Holly tearfully claims that the man who victimized her was family friend, Mark Dobbins. Benson and Stabler arrest Dobbins in the middle of a football game. Later they interrogate him and find that his activities includes hosting sleepovers and a summer camp in The Poconos for girls, and teaching gym… you know, things that normal family men do…

Dobbins was among many who were interviewed, and when he reveals his assumption that Swift is dead, the detectives think they have further proof of his guilt… circumstantial at best, but that’s apparently all you need in this ‘reality.’ Stabler suggests that he killed Laura and raped Holly and his own daughters, and he finds the notion so repulsive that he demands a lawyer for any further questioning… after both physically and verbally abusing him to the point that any normal cop would have been on desk duty AT THE VERY LEAST, as a result.

News of the victimization of Holly gets around as well as that of the missing girl (Thanks to Holly’s parents), and other soccer moms come forward,  thus preventing Dobbins from making bail. All the girls tell the same story as Holly Purcell, which seems to give the detectives an open and shut case… despite not looking into how the girls found out about Holly’s victimization in the first place which would have been a key piece of info in properly vetting their testimony… but who cares about police work? We’ve got assumptions, the testimony of an emotionally distraught child that’s in fear for her life, and circumstantial evidence, so we’re good.

The problem… and another tell-tale sigh of how the case is flimsy is that nothing they say reveals the whereabouts of Laura Swift or any other girl who’s missing, nor does it soothe Holly’s fears, which is typical, but still should have been something they look at twice… I mean it’s just a man with a family whose life we’re ruining, right?

When the news media gets word of the spree of molestation at the school Cragen tries to keep as much info from them as he can… again, without asking where they got the info in the first place! During the search of the Dobbins’ basement, Julie Dobbins pleads her husband’s innocence, insisting that she was an eyewitness to the activities at the household, which Stabler misinterprets as an absurd sexual fetish, and chastises her so severely, that it almost seems like he’s ready to attack her. Yay!!!! More overacting from Stabler that shows that he has no business wearing a police badge and should have been discharged long ago. This scene alone would have had him out walking the streets, but hey this is good drama right? So we’ll give it a pass…

Realizing that he may be a danger to the public, Stabler tries to calm down… key word; ‘tries.’

Benson suggests that he goes home to his family, but he’s torn between his family troubles and helping Holly (… no wonder his family eventually leaves him). On the way out though, Fin finds that Mark has a sealed arrest record from the Erie County District Attorney, which he explains, despite advice from his attorney not to do so. Due to some circumstantial evidence by a teenage prostitute and a “drunken cop,” (Oh great… more inept police work) Mark was falsely arrested (although the charges were subsequently dismissed), and revealed that he had to forge documents indicating he was allowed to work with children. Novak thinks she can use this to get a confession from him on the whereabouts of Swift, but he still adamantly denies raping or killing anybody. At which point she threatens to ask the judge for the maximum sentence.

I’ll stop right there. The show took a nose dive when Novak joined the cast. I always thought that she was way overzealous and went too often on her own opinion and values instead of actual evidence and fact. Nothing gave me greater viewing pleasure than watching the episodes where she crashed and burned. She was a poor ADA at best and it really shows here…

But I digress…

Stabler tries to break himself away from the case in order to maintain (smirk) his sanity, but Benson insists that he should help Holly prepare for Mark’s trial, and this is where things get really interesting!!!!

Before he even has a chance to get started, she breaks down again and reveals that Mark is completely innocent. She cries that she doesn’t want to get in trouble… not because she sent an innocent man to jail, not because she’s ruined the lives of close friends, no no no, it’s because she doesn’t want to get in trouble… yeah there was a kid that was well raised, no remorse whatsoever… just fear. (Yeah I know she was a victim and in fear of her life, but that’s not an excuse for destroying someone else’s) Moving on…

When one of his other alleged victims reveals that her mother pressured her into accusing him of sexual abuse… nothing happens… We see no repercussions on the two soccer moms that blatantly exposed their children to something that no one that age should be exposed to and then made them lie to city officials thus wasting police time while the true killer/molester still roamed free. No DSS involvement, no civil suite, no charges filed, NOTHING except for Stabler overacting in their general direction.

Then Dr. Hendrix comes out and with a sheepish look on her face said that no one could have seen this coming… except for… you know… a psychiatrist who is trained to work in cases like this with years of experience who had the evidence right in front of her damn face, but we’ll get into that later!

Stabler rushes to get Novak to drop the charges and set him free. As the trial case is dismissed, the best line ever, which goes to show Novak’s own incompetence is uttered by the defense…

“We’re stunned that the people charged my client with the heinous crimes without proper investigation!”

THANK YOU!!! Finally someone said it!!!

After his exoneration hearing Larry reveals he and Sonya (Holly’s wonderful parents) may have been responsible for inadvertently creating the persecution… and that’s it. No repercussions for the false accusation, no civil suite, no reparations, just a half-assed apology which turned into Larry yelling at Dobbins.

Even with the presence of her parents, Holly is still afraid to reveal who molested her again, totally understandable, but it’s a lot more difficult to feel sorry for her at this point… Hendrix suggests that the family take her on vacation in an attempt to make her feel safe, but it doesn’t lead to the whereabouts of Laura Swift. This is so stupid that even NY’s most incompetent detectives object!

After re-examining Holly’s artwork, Hendrix suddenly realizes that she made a grave error in her analysis… if you can even call it that. She notices that the uniform of the person that she suspected was not a coach’s athletic uniform, but that of a student, particularly, a lacrosse captain. She actually admits her own incompetence… After a thorough and very well thought out review of the other pictures…

“Oh no… I assumed that was Mark Dobbins, because I accepted what Holly told me without even considering that it could be someone else.”

Like you know, ANY REMOTELY COMPETENT PSYCHIATRIST WOULD HAVE EFFING DONE!!!

Holly finally reveals that she was molested by Kevin Wilcox, who is arrested on the spot. During his interrogation, Stabler and Fin reveal that their evidence against him is solid and threaten him, unless he reveals the whereabouts of the girl he killed. After Wilcox’s confession to Holly’s rape and Laura Swift’s murder, Fin joins other officers to exhume Laura’s buried body in College Point.

On his way home, Benson stalls him so she can direct him to his family who are throwing a birthday party for him at his desk. Unfortunately the happiness of the moment is shattered, when the Dobbins couple reveal that Chestnut Academy dismissed Mark, for forging his letter destroyed his integrity which could be an endangerment for the students (UGGGGH!!!). As a result of this, he will never get another teaching career and he and his wife are selling the house and moving upstate with his in-laws. Stabler rightly takes the blame thinking that this wouldn’t never happen if they could have realized who Holly’s abuser was (though Hendrix shares a ton of the blame here).

Mark agrees, and walks away. Benson reminds him that his family is still there to celebrate his birthday… for now…

So now you have the Episode… what’s wrong with it? Nothing. This is actually one of my favorite episodes!

We’ve all heard real-life stories about people being falsely accused of child sexual abuse and what happens to people as a result. Even if they’re proved innocent in the end, by that time they’ve been put through the wringer both financially and emotionally, and their lives have been utterly wrecked. Once a person is labeled a sex offender, it’s nearly impossible to get rid of it, ever. It will be on their record and even if they can find a way to get it expunged, they will never get away from it entirely.

This episode stands out in that there was no doubt Holly Purcell had been sexually abused; the question was, who did it. Naturally everyone wants to nab the perpetrator, and in their determination, they press Holly almost as hard as they would a toughened criminal. This is something that is completely inappropriate to do with a child and… again, that any half-competent psychiatrist would have known better! Since there is no doubt that the abuse definitely happened, it never occurs to anyone that Holly’s genuine fear of her abuser’s threat to kill her if she talked, could cause her to lie about his identity. Which is something that would have come up if the police handing the case had been anything resembling competent.

This episode wonderfully leaves the viewer feeling everyone’s pain and remorse from the entire ugly affair. Coach and Mrs. Dobbins have totally lost the life they’d struggled to rebuild after a prior nonsense charge.

Holly, who pointed at Dobbins to get SVU off her back, never dreaming they’d go after him with murder in their eyes… though this one get’s harder to feel sorry for by the end… and wrongly…  Dr. Hendrix, who didn’t look at the forest before focusing on individual trees. How she got away with her license from this episode is beyond me, but whatever.

Elliot totally shot off his mouth at Mrs. Dobbins when searching their house after arresting her husband… which should have cost him his job…  And Casey, who should have been the cool head here if any one person was, wasn’t.

These protectors of the innocent and law-abiding completely lost their perspective because there was no question the crime had occurred. As a result they rushed to misjudgment, and now they have to live with having wrecked some of the very lives they were entrusted to protect. THIS IS NOT HOW PROFESSIONAL LAW ENFORCEMENT ACTS!!! We’ve seen this idiots dole out their cowboy justice before and get away with it, but here we seen what actually happens when this is how business is conducted.

My only complaint about this episode is that Hendrix and Novak weren’t there for the final ribbing out by the Dobbins. They deserved it as much as Stabler.

ANNOUNCEMENT!!! NEW BOOK IN THE WORKS!!!

No rest for the weary I guess. Inspiration doesn’t wait for someone to be ready. I was planning on taking some time off from writing after Damnation got published, but it doesn’t look like that is going to happen. A new idea popped into my head that quickly gaining traction and before I knew it, I had almost a full novel written in the span of a few weeks… It has definitely turned out to be one of the most ambitious pieces that I’ve ever written.

So I am pleased to announce that a new novel will be released some time next year. The current information (subject to change) is available below:

Title: Soul SIphon (Book One of The Vengeance Doctrine)
Genre: Urban Fantasy/Anti-Super Hero/Suspense.
Synopsis:

A starved child, an assassinated soviet solider, an abandoned woman from China, a victim of history’s most mysterious serial killer, and a young man who never asked to be thrown into the middle of a spiritual war.
They reside in the dark places of the world, waiting for those who would inflict pain and suffering on the innocent. An unlikely group, with one thing in common; death. Each with powers that reflect the way they died. Corban McConnell found himself thrust into the fray with this group of anti-heroes.
Cursed with unstable powers stemming from a fatal demonic possession, Corban must unravel the mystery behind his death. As more information comes to light, Corban begins to realize that nothing in his life was what it appeared to be and the price of victory may be his own soul.

P.S. I AM IN THE MARKET FOR A COVER ARTIST! I’m looking to make the cover of this book look like a comic book, so an artist who works either in, or is looking to work in, the comic industry would be preferable at this point. If anyone has any recommendations, PLEASE leave a comment below with their website, facebook page, and/or contact info! Thanks!!


Readers,

Do you have a question about writing, publishing, my stories, etc? Please feel free to post a comment or email me.
jimthewritingwizard@gmail.com
I’ll use those comments to select my next blog post.

I have been writing for several years, have 4 published works, experience with publishing and independent work, so I can hopefully be of assistance.
Please note, I only do one of these a day and will do my best to respond to everyone, but it may take some time.

Also, feel free to check out my works of Fantasy and Historical Fiction, Available on Amazon and where ever books are sold. See the link below:

http://www.amazon.com/James-Harrington/e/B00P7FBXTU

Thanks friends!
Catch you on the flip side!

-Jim

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Bringing History to Life

Hi Jim,

Congrats on the new Novel!

So I was wondering about historical characters. You mentioned that much of your work is historical fiction and I’m currently working on a story like that myself. I was wondering what difficulties you faced, if any, when you used a historical figure as a character in your writing?

Many thanks,
Liam.

Hi Liam,

Great question, and honestly the answer may disappoint you. I honestly find it easier to write characters from history than to create new ones. This is especially true with people who lived in the 1700s-1800s as there is usually a lot of information available about them. Drawing upon historical documentation and then creating a character’s personality around those documents is not only fun, but very satisfying when you finish writing your character, then go back and read stories about their actual lives. If you did everything right, the character you created should be almost unrecognizable from the real person.

Problems arise from two locations that I can see;

  1. Living Family… this is where you have to be VERY careful. I cannot overstate this. In this case, you can’t just create a character based on documentation. A lot more research has to go into it to get the person’s personality right, this could include speaking to the family directly and obtaining their permission and written approval. This is especially true if it’s a main character.
  2. Lack of documentation. So here’s where the guess-work comes in. If this is a character that lived during the 1600s or prior, chances are a lot of the documentation has been lost. In these cases, I try to refrain from making them a main character, or just do the best I can based on the information available. A static character could be appropriate here.

Anyway, I hope this helps a little!


Readers,

Do you have a question about writing, publishing, my stories, etc? Please feel free to post a comment or email me.
jimthewritingwizard@gmail.com
I’ll use those comments to select my next blog post.

I have been writing for several years, have 4 published works, experience with publishing and independent work, so I can hopefully be of assistance.
Please note, I only do one of these a day and will do my best to respond to everyone, but it may take some time.

Also, feel free to check out my works of Fantasy and Historical Fiction, Available on Amazon and where ever books are sold. See the link below:

http://www.amazon.com/James-Harrington/e/B00P7FBXTU

Thanks friends!
Catch you on the flip side!

-Jim

Meaningful Quote…

“Apparently someone asked Raymond Chandler once what he thought about Hollywood ruining all of his books. And he took them to his study and pointed up to the shelf where they all were and he said, ‘Look, they’re there. They’re fine. They’re okay.’ That’s the attitude I have to take. The film hasn’t ruined my book.”

-Alan Moore

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Divinity By James Harrington

A very well written, thought out review of my book! Much appreciated and very happy that he liked it. I am thrilled, criticism and all!

Eric Klingenberg's avatarEric's blog

 

divinity

I came across the author’s blog a while back he seemed a very nice chap and I liked what he had to say so I thought I would give his book a go. It’s the story of the Junior Angel Adalyn who accuses her mentor Azrael of being a traitor and plotting against god. She isn’t believed and is her self thrown out of heaven for being a traitor. She is then found almost dead by Giovanni a 16th century Venetian fisherman who nurses her back from the brink. Through a series of adventures they discover events on earth are impacting on the battle in heaven. Along with a few friends the pick up on the way set out to save god!

What I didn’t like about the book;

This bit is hard for me to write as I’m don’t want to upset the author but the biggest…

View original post 570 more words

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Review of Inspiration

So… The Endless Forms Most Beautiful…

I usually don’t do reviews… unless something really annoys me and I need to vent, but this album left me a little vexed.

I love Nightwish. They’ve been around forever, they put on an AMAZING show, and they have a huge body of work that includes serious music as well as lighthearted stuff. ‘Dark Chest of Wonders’ is still one of my favorite songs.

As much as I hate to say this, but the band appeared to be in a state of decline. Parting ways with Tarja was a pretty bad hit, but then they went through a series of guest singers… including Elise Ryd, before settling on Annette Olzen. It was at this point that I simply couldn’t go see them live anymore. Annette was simply a poor choice as a replacement as she was barely able to sing many of Tarja’s songs. Now I know there is a huge debate on pretty much every Nightwish YouTube video on who was the better singer.

‘Anette is a pop princess who isn’t a good metal singer and she has a weak voice.’

‘Tarja was a mediocre opera singer who had run her course and was too difficult to deal with.’

Fine, whatever. I really don’t care about that debate. Regardless of which singer you think was better, I’d like to make two points;

  1. Anette can’t sing Tarja’s songs well. Not in the least:
  2. Dark Passion Play was a departure from their old style and really updated the band, bringing in a new audience and was an amazing album.

So regardless of whether you like either singer, it happened and there’s nothing that anyone can do about it.

Anyway… on point, when I found out that Nightwish was picking up Floor Jansen, I was excited. I followed her work with ReVamp and was a fan. Then Showtime Storytime came out…

Hearing her belt out that last line sent chills down my spine. I now listen to this version of DCOW over the Tarja version. Floor was a great direction for Nightwish. Her style brings back the Tarja crowd while still keeping the Anette fans happy. In essence, she’s a happy medium between the two styles.

So needless to say… I had great anticipation about Nightwish’s next album. The singles came out first. Elan was great and so was the title song. I couldn’t wait to get my hand on the album and listen to it all the way through.
I got that opportunity this morning after it arrived in the mail. I popped it in and the usual mystic-style intro came on. Then one by one I listened to the songs… and my reactions was… meh?

I won’t say that the other songs on the album were terrible, but they weren’t really anything impressive either. Nightwish Albums usually have two or three non-singles that are pretty good and that’s what I usually grab the album for. This… this album had NONE of that.

So is it a terrible album? Well… not really… I mean the two singles are good, the intro song is fine, the music well done and of course Floor Jansen is a lot of fun… but the songs themselves really didn’t jive with me. They’re the songs on an album you let play when you’re not really paying attention and don’t care.

Is it their worst album? NO! Imaginarium still holds that one… seriously, there’s barely a single song on that CD worth listening to. It’s the one Nightwish Album that I refuse to purchase.

So what went wrong? Well… you can attribute many things to this… for starters they recruited a flutist into their ranks who had played with them previously, but was never an official member, second they were just starting out with Floor, but I don’t find the latter to be an excuse. Bands change singers all the time and do just fine:
Dragonforce
Kamelot
Arch Enemy
etc.

Unfortunately, the blame must inevitably lie with Tuomos. What he was attempting to do was a pretty big departure from the style that made the band famous, and while they’ve altered their style slightly in the past, they’ve always kept it within the Realm of Symphonic Metal. This album strikes me far more as Folk Metal, which is really easy to screw up. Symphonic melodies and metal almost go hand in hand, but folk is an almost totally different form of music all together with different themes and different styles. In the end, the songs he composed. while ambitious, fell flat on his face.

So is the album worth a listen? Absolutely. Is it worth the $10 purchase price? Eh… not really, no.

Just remember, this is my personal opinion.  If you like the album, no problem. I can understand why someone would, but to me, it’s a rough draft on something great that Nightwish has in store for us. We’ll just have to wait a few years for their next album.


Readers,

Do you have a question about writing, publishing, my stories, etc? Please feel free to post a comment or email me.
jimthewritingwizard@gmail.com
I’ll use those comments to select my next blog post.

I have been writing for several years, have 4 published works, experience with publishing and independent work, so I can hopefully be of assistance.
Please note, I only do one of these a day and will do my best to respond to everyone, but it may take some time.

Also, feel free to check out my works of Fantasy and Historical Fiction, Available on Amazon and where ever books are sold. See the link below:

http://www.amazon.com/James-Harrington/e/B00P7FBXTU

Thanks friends!
Catch you on the flip side!

-Jim

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Grammar in Dialogue?

Hi Jim,

I’ve been working on my story for a while and it takes me through a lot of dialogue along the way. I’m trying to write a modern story with slang and lingo that people today understand. However my spellcheck picks it up and gives me the ‘correct’ recommendations. I don’t want my writing to sound unprofessional, but I don’t want my characters to sound like robots either. What should I do?

Thanks,
MandyMinx


Hi MandyMinx

Annoying isn’t it? My best advice is to turn off the auto correct and spelling underlines while writing or they will drive you nuts. Turn them on when you’re done. They’re there to help, but they can be a major distraction and source of frustration. Honestly if you were to copy/paste a novel by anyone from Stephen King to Mark Twain, to Homer into your spellcheck, you’ll be amazed what comes up. I would place correct grammar on the back burner when it comes to dialogue. Keep an eye on it only when you need to. If you have characters that talk with accents, characters that use broken English, or even characters that just talk the way people do today, it’s going to set off a bunch of red (or in Word’s case, green) flags.

It may be an unfortunate truth, but people do not speak in grammatically correct ways. Often it’s a requirement that you do not write with proper grammar if you want to establish a character’s personality and differentiate it from other characters. If you don’t… you’re left with something that would resemble Star Trek The Next Generation if the entire cast were restricted to 6 or 7 Datas (Trust me, it would not be entertaining).

Hope this helps!

Readers, do you have additional advice for MandyMinx? What would you tell her to do in this case?


Readers,

Do you have a question about writing, publishing, my stories, etc? Please feel free to post a comment or email me.
jimthewritingwizard@gmail.com
I’ll use those comments to select my next blog post.

I have been writing for several years, have 4 published works, experience with publishing and independent work, so I can hopefully be of assistance.
Please note, I only do one of these a day and will do my best to respond to everyone, but it may take some time.

Also, feel free to check out my works of Fantasy and Historical Fiction, Available on Amazon and where ever books are sold. See the link below:

http://www.amazon.com/James-Harrington/e/B00P7FBXTU

Thanks friends!
Catch you on the flip side!

-Jim

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NEW BOOK ANNOUNCEMENT!!

Hello everyone!
I am back from my brief sabbatical and am happy to announce that things are up and running again.

First, let me say that I am absolutely flattered by all the positive feedback Damnation has been getting and would PLEASE urge you to leave a review on either Amazon or Barnes and Noble. It really would help to spread the word!

On to new news…

As the title has already indicated, yes I do have a new novel in the works. At this point it is unnamed, but the body of the story itself is already complete. Below is a brief synopsis of the story. As you will see, it is a completely new tale of adventure with perhaps one or two familiar cameos:

A starved child, an assassinated soviet solider, a Chinese rape victim, a victim of history’s most mysterious killer, and a young man who never asked to be thrown into the middle of a spiritual war.

They reside in the shadows and other dark places, waiting for those who would inflict pain and suffering on the innocent. An unlikely group, with one thing in common; death. Each with powers that reflect the way they died. Mica found himself thrust into the fray with this group of anti-heroes.

Cursed with unstable powers stemming from a fatal demonic possession, Mica must unravel the mystery behind his death. As more information comes to light, Mica begins to realize that nothing in his life was what it appeared to be and the price of victory may be his own soul.

Fair warning… this one may not be for the faint of heart. It is a far darker story than anything I have written previously. Anyway, thank you all again for the well wishes and kind words on Damnation. Please continue to send your feedback, I do love getting both compliments and criticisms, it’s how I improve!


Readers,

Do you have a question about writing, publishing, my stories, etc? Please feel free to post a comment or email me.
jimthewritingwizard@gmail.com
I’ll use those comments to select my next blog post.

I have been writing for several years, have 4 published works, experience with publishing and independent work, so I can hopefully be of assistance.
Please note, I only do one of these a day and will do my best to respond to everyone, but it may take some time.

Also, feel free to check out my works of Fantasy and Historical Fiction, Available on Amazon and where ever books are sold. See the link below:

http://www.amazon.com/James-Harrington/e/B00P7FBXTU

Thanks friends!
Catch you on the flip side!

-Jim

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The Short Story Submission

Hey Jim,

Just read your post on WordPress titles ‘When to Start?’
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head and your advice is especially useful for novices like me.

I started writing on WordPress about a month and a half back and I write whenever I can steal 15-30 minutes, mostly from my lunch breaks. I see that my posts are evolving into short stories, and are not necessarily ‘blog length’.

Are there other sites out there where I could publish short stories, as opposed to one-page length blogs? Or is that not a good idea at all and should I continue my work on WordPress for a year or more till I am clearer where I could go?

Kind regards

Supratik

Hi Supratik,

In an earlier blog I mentioned that if you’re good at something… NEVER DO IT FOR FREE! This is just my personal opinion, but I’ve always felt that if you’re going to put in work on something, you should be compensated for your time. There’s nothing wrong with charity, but just giving away your work for no reason isn’t necessarily the way I’d go about it.

I would personally stop posting these ‘story blogs’ until you have some sort of coherent story. My advice to you is to get on MS word (or whatever Mac’s equivalent word processor is) and write out a few of these blog posts without posting them. If they evolve into short stories, then I might consider actually getting them published.

Consider it, put all these short stories together behind one cover, title it, get them edited and put them out there either on Nook, KDP, or through traditional publish sources.

So I know that this really doesn’t answer your question, but it’s personally the best advice I can give. Sporadically posting parts of raw stories can hurt your writing in the long run. There are online and print magazines out there that are always looking to publish new short stories. A quick google search will bring up a few selections

(Example)

SUBMISSIONS

So hopefully this helps.

Readers, what do you think? Should Supratik continue posting on WordPress, find another site, or get her writing together and then consider getting her stories published?


Readers,

Do you have a question about writing, publishing, my stories, etc? Please feel free to post a comment or email me.
jimthewritingwizard@gmail.com
I’ll use those comments to select my next blog post.

I have been writing for several years, have 4 published works, experience with publishing and independent work, so I can hopefully be of assistance.
Please note, I only do one of these a day and will do my best to respond to everyone, but it may take some time.

Also, feel free to check out my works of Fantasy and Historical Fiction, Available on Amazon and where ever books are sold. See the link below:

http://www.amazon.com/James-Harrington/e/B00P7FBXTU

Thanks friends!
Catch you on the flip side!

-Jim

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Damnation Preview Chapter

Jim's avatarJames Harringtons Creative Work

I

 

There was a cold breeze in the air as Michael stood at the podium. In front of him, the Choirs of Angels filed into the main meeting hall little by little. The bitter chill complimented the rather dismal scene in front of him. The general of the Most High’s armies had seen worse over the years and did the best he could to ignore it.

Seated on either side of him, were the other 6 great Archangels, leaders of the Celestial World. The large council hall seated thousands of angels, all of whom listened intently waiting for Michael to speak. The last of them had taken their seats sucked in a deep breath.

The long war had dragged on for eons, costing uncountable angel lives. For years, the angels fought against the armies of Lucifer to no avail. It seemed as though the war would continue until…

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Damnation Preview Chapter

I

 

There was a cold breeze in the air as Michael stood at the podium. In front of him, the Choirs of Angels filed into the main meeting hall little by little. The bitter chill complimented the rather dismal scene in front of him. The general of the Most High’s armies had seen worse over the years and did the best he could to ignore it.

Seated on either side of him, were the other 6 great Archangels, leaders of the Celestial World. The large council hall seated thousands of angels, all of whom listened intently waiting for Michael to speak. The last of them had taken their seats sucked in a deep breath.

The long war had dragged on for eons, costing uncountable angel lives. For years, the angels fought against the armies of Lucifer to no avail. It seemed as though the war would continue until the angels were all but extinct, but a daring campaign carried out by a small group of angels had turned the tide of the war.

The thousands of occupied seats were dwarfed by the seats that no longer had an owner. Those empty seats had lost their occupant either to war or treason. The scene was a sad reminder of everything that the war had cost them.

Michael had taken his rightful place as the leader of the Nine Choirs of Angels. It was a job, some thought, he had let go to his head. Not that he cared, others could have criticized him all they wanted, but in the end, he was still the leader.

Michael stood in front of the choirs and looked out on the chamber that had been carved of Ivory and marble. Like all else, it had been badly damaged during the war and needed to be rebuilt. Large craters had shattered the marble floor tiles. The holes in the ceilings were singed black from firebomb damage.

Michael did the best he could to ignore the dismal scene as he addressed the Choirs, “Brothers and sisters, you all have good reason to rejoice. For after years of watching our brothers and sisters being cut down in ruthless combat, the war is mercifully over. Our little gambit, paid off and four of our bravest warriors breached Lucifer‘s position, forcing him to surrender. He has since been driven out of the Celestial World by the Most High and punished for his crimes.”

Michael sighed before he continued, “However, peace is not yet ours to enjoy. There are still those out there that remain loyal to Lucifer and his cause. It is true that the bulk of his force has been disbanded, but we believe that there are still some creatures in our midst that remain hidden. I can assure you all that they are being hunted down and will be brought to justice.”

A deafening applause erupted from the Choirs as now peace was actually within their grasp and the Most High could continue his plans to create a child race in his own image. Michael smiled and nodded as he too joined in the celebration. He allowed the angels to rejoice for a few moments before raising his hand again to regain their attention. The large chamber immediately quieted down at the sight of Michael’s gesture.

The smile never left Michael’s face as he spoke, “Thank you, brothers and sisters, this is truly a day to rejoice, but I regret that such celebration may be shadowed by business that we still must to attend to.”

Michael’s gaze left the choirs and turned to the entry way next to his podium. A guardian, who was just standing at the door waiting for a signal, returned his look. Michael nodded to the guardian, which prompted him to exit the chambers.

Minutes passed and the specter of curiosity loomed in the chambers. What did Michael want the Choirs to see? Could he have captured another traitor?

Suddenly, the sound of clanking chains could be heard from outside the room. It sounded as though someone was struggling against heavy metal bonds. The noise served to elevate the curiosity of everyone in the room as they waited to see who it was.

A moment later, the guard reappeared followed by an angel covered in blood that was practically being dragged in by her chains. She was shackled at the arms, legs, and neck.  Her wings were weighted down to prevent her from being able to take flight and the look on her face was indicative of pure hatred.

The guard pulled her forward onto the main stage. She defiantly refused to move, making the guard’s job even harder. If anyone was going to publicly humiliate her, then they were going to have to work for it.

Michael shook his head and looked back up to the Choirs, “My friends, I must inform you that we have captured one of these agents and not just any one either…”

As the archangel spoke, the young angel refused to look at anyone and instead kept her eyes fixated on the massive walls of the Choir Chamber. She had always been amazed by the sheer size and intricacy of this hall. It had somehow been hand carved almost completely out of marble and ivory. Murals on the wall told the stories of angel’s deeds throughout their history. She smiled to see one of the divine temples being set to flames. She appreciated that someone had seen fit to immortalize her work.

The entire design of the chamber was beyond anything anyone could image, but something about it was different than the last time she had seen it. The burn marks and blast craters in the walls almost ruined the tranquil view. She remembered the battle early in the war that had caused this damage. It was the first battle that she had been a part of.

Not a day went by that she had not regretted Lucifer’s decision to fall back rather than risk heavier casualties. Being Lucifer’s military strategist and general, she was certain that they could have occupied the Celestial Temple in one swift stroke had they continued to press forward. It just didn’t make sense, yes her forces were being bled, but they had inflicted far more casualties than they had taken. Falling back was a critical error on Lucifer’s part, and it would prove to be one that would cost them everything.

Her thoughts were broken as Michael spoke directly to her, attempting to get her attention, “General Xaphan, step forward, please.”

Xaphan moved defiantly closer to the podium where the Archangel stood. Michael watched her every move, waiting for her to try to break free of her bonds. She made no such attempt and kept her hands tucked away behind her.

Many of the angels were dismayed by the sorry state she was in. Xaphan was at one time a respected soldier in the armies of the Most High, even Michael was sorry to see how things had turned out. It definitely was not helping morale.

Xaphan wore a tattered black outfit that flowed below her knees. It was all she was allowed to keep after being stripped of her sword and armor. Her pale white skin was filthy and scarred. Her wings were missing feathers and covered in blood, most of which was not her own. Her black hair was a mangled mess from weeks of her being too busy to tend to it. She breathed in deeply as her pale blue eyes looked up scornfully at Michael.

Xaphan’s glare pierced right through Michael’s presence and it was as though she wasn’t looking at him at all. She didn’t even acknowledge his presence. To her, it appeared that Michael was little more than an obstruction standing in the way of what she was really looking at.

Uriel followed Xaphan’s gaze and noticed that her eyes were fixated on the Celestial Temple and the chambers of the Most High. A partial smile appeared on her face when she saw that much of its damage had not yet been repaired.

Michael noticed where her attention was too, but dismissed it as he began speaking. Almost to spite Xaphan’s gaze, Michael spoke in a tone that wasn’t speaking to her at all. It was more like he was dictating to her for all to see, “General, I assume you know why you are here.”

Xaphan gave a defiantly unenthusiastic nod and spoke through her teeth, “I do.”

“You have been charged with treason, espionage, wanton destruction, and plotting against the Most High,” Michael said in an accusing tone. “The evidence against you is absolute. We have examined everything in great detail and have found you guilty on all counts. Have you anything you wish to say before your sentence is carried out?”

Xaphan quickly turned to the other angels in the hall, “I fought for you… all of you. It was Lucifer’s wish to see you all freed from your bondage. The world that the Most High is now creating… it should have been for us! It is ours by right, but he would give it to some child race that would only scorn him! Ours was an eternity of servitude… I wanted something better than that for you! I am not the monster that many have you have been led to believe I am. That monster stands in front of you in the form of an Archangel!”

Xaphan pointed an accusing finger at Michael, “He would see you remain in bondage!”

Screams of support for Michael and angry cursing was spewed in Xaphan’s direction, but she ignored it and continued speaking, “I wish I’d never given you fair warning to evacuate the temple before we attacked! I would willingly give up my wings to see all of you burn for this!”

The words hurt Xaphan as much as she was certain they angered the Choirs. She didn’t mean much of what she had said and still cared about the friends that she had betrayed, but they were words that she felt they needed to hear. She still desired to see them free, above all else, and if she was to be a martyr for this cause, so be it.

As the yelling got louder, Uriel stood up, “Enough!”

Michael shook his head as he looked down at Xaphan. He felt a twinge of anger himself as the room quieted down, but as he was about to speak, another voice spoke up.

“Excuse me…”

The voice cut in from the back of the chambers. “I request to be heard.”

The room fell silent as every eye turned to where the voice had come from. Michael smiled, “Ah, one of our local heroes. If anyone here has earned the right to speak before the council, she certainly has. The floor yields to you, Adalyn.”

Adalyn immediately flapped her wings to elevate herself off the ground and gently glided down to the main floor of the chamber. She touched down gracefully and brushed the hair out of her face. As though defending Xaphan from attack, Adalyn stood in front of her, blocking Michael’s gaze, “Brothers and sisters of the Nine Choirs of Angels, I have come before you to plead for mercy on behalf of my sister.”

“What are you doing?” Xaphan whispered in a demanding tone. “I don’t want your help, get out of here.”

“You are my sister. No matter what you have done, I still love you and don’t wish to see you harmed.”

Xaphan sneered and turned her back on her defender as archangels looked at each other oddly. The room suddenly erupted in quiet whispers and gasps. They were intended to be low, but there were enough of them to make a ruckus. Michael raised his hand to silence the noise, “You have earned the right to speak, but judgment has already been passed against her.”

“I realize that Master, and I’m sure that whatever you have decided to charge her with, is more than appropriate, given the magnitude of her crimes.”

Adalyn lowered her eyes as her tone became pleading, “However… I would like to point out that while she is responsible for the initial attack on the faithful, and responsible for the damage to the Celestial Temple, she did not shed a single drop of innocent blood by her own hand. Lucifer was the architect of the massacre. I also happen to know that you have proof that she gave us sufficient warning before burning the temple to allow our people to evacuate.”

Uriel rolled his eyes, “Please make your point, young one.”

“My point sir is that despite her attacks, despite the fact that she sided against us, and despite whom she cast her lot with, she has been an honorable foe since the first days of the conflict. Even as it dragged on, she still maintained a strict code of honor. I should know, because I fought against her on several occasions. That honor is the only reason that many of us now stand here in judgment of her.”

Michael nodded, “I am aware of that, Adalyn. However, being an honorable thief does not make someone any less a thief. I would think that after all the time and effort you put into catching her, that you would understand this.”

“I do understand it, Michael, but there is a difference between understanding and agreeing.”

“That is something you will have to come to terms with. I’m sure your sister appreciates your efforts on her behalf and you have secured your honor, but the decision has already been made and there is no further room for debate.”

“Still not willing to listen to reason?” Xaphan scoffed. “It’s nice to see that nothing has changed in eons. You would think…”

Uriel stood up, “Silence you!”

Xaphan turned back to face Uriel with a malicious grin on her face. He snorted at her defiance, “General Xaphan, for your crimes you are hereby banished from the Celestial World. Personally, I would have preferred it had you been removed from existence, but ironically enough, the Most High still cares about you and has decided to show you mercy. We are therefore sending you down to be with your mentor, Lucifer.”

Xaphan hissed as she suddenly shook off her shackles, revealing that she had broken free of them earlier, and was waiting for the chance to escape. She dodged around the guard when he tried to grab her. Before anyone could react, she spread her wings and launched herself into the air. It looked as though she had a clear path to the exit when Adalyn suddenly appeared in her way.

Having no way out, Xaphan landed a few steps away from the door with her fists clenched. Her eyes met her old friend with contempt and worry, “Get out of my way, Adalyn. Don’t make me hurt you.”

Adalyn moved her arm downward in a thrusting motion. A blade appeared in her hand which she pointed it directly at Xaphan’s throat, “I’m sorry sister that is not going to happen and I don’t think you’d hurt me even if you could. Stand down; I don’t want to have to fight you again.”

“And if I dont, are you going to kill me, Adalyn?” Xaphan asked in a malicious tone.

“I don’t want to. Please don’t push it that far… sister.”

The two glared at each other for a moment. Xaphan could see the tears in Adalyn’s eyes as she stood, ready to strike. Though a loyal servant of the Most High, Adalyn would have preferred to allow Xaphan to get away. She knew what fate lay ahead for her sister and had to resist the urge to stand aside.

Adalyn knew the consequences of making such a decision and held firm. Xaphan sighed, she hated her sister for getting in her way, but at the same time, didn’t like seeing her in pain, “Very well my dear sister, you win, but this is not over between us. Someday, our positions will be reversed and you will be staring at the end of my blade. Don’t expect me to show you anymore mercy than you have shown me. I will kill you.”

“I know that, sister… I know…”

Xaphan raised her hands and turned back to Michael, “So it is damnation for me then?” She hissed. “I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’d rather suffer there than serve here!”

Michael sighed, “After a few eons in the world of shadows, you may find yourself regretting those words General.”

“I don’t plan on being there that long. I will return with an army… and the temple will be consumed in flames once more.”

Not wanting to argue further with Xaphan, Michael snapped his fingers. There was a sound of glass shattering in the distance and suddenly Xaphan noticed the feathers on her wings beginning to look odd. She watched as the roots of her feathers slowly turned black and then each bristle of each feather also slowly began to turn.

Within moments, her wings looked very much different from those of her brothers and sisters. Her feathers were blacker than even the largest void. They quickly began to match her dress and hair.

Xaphan looked at her wings with disgust and began to feel unsettled. As their color changed, she began to notice that her wings were getting extremely heavy. Each feather began to weigh her down more and more. It became much harder for her to remain standing. Her breathing became labored as she struggled to hold herself up. Though she did not want to show weakness, eventually the weight became too much for her, causing her knees to buckle, and give out from under her.

As Xaphan collapsed, her defender stepped forward. Before Adalyn could do anything, Xaphan raised her hand and signaled Adalyn to stay away. She then turned back to Michael, “What… have you done to me?”

Michael’s expression did not change, “You are being banished, and your wings will never allow you to fly here again. This will ensure that you can never return.”

“Is this really necessary?” Adalyn demanded. “She’s struggling and can’t stand or even move. Your sentence was banishment, but this is more of a horrific death sentence, how will she survive without her wings?”

Michael sighed, “Her wings are too heavy for her to fly here, but when she reaches the Netherworld, she should be fine. They should not be such a burden to her there.”

“Master, I beseech you, reconsider this! There must be another way! Such punishment does not befit angels. This is far too cruel for…”

“Silence!”

Adalyn turned away from Michael and looked down at Xaphan. The intense pressure from the weight of Xaphan’s wings felt as though it would crush her. She looked up weakly, “Michael… please…”

Adalyn felt the tears began to fall down her cheeks and rushed to her sister’s side. She grabbed one of Xaphan’s wings in a futile attempt to take the pressure off her back, “Sister, forgive me… Had I known that this would happen…”

Michael thrust his hand forward at the two angels. Adalyn lost her grip on Xaphan’s wing, went flying backwards, and landed on one knee a few feet away. She glared at the archangels as she got back to her feet, “Michael!”

“Adalyn… It’s time for you to leave. Your intentions are honorable and so they shall be noted, but you are getting in the way and allowing your emotions to bleed through. This can no longer be tolerated from the floor. You are compromised, leave now.”

“Under protest, Michael! I want that on the record too!”

“So noted.”

Adalyn stood up and reluctantly walked to the doorway. Her eyes were locked on Michael as she disappeared from view. She looked back only once at her sister with tears in her eyes.

As Adalyn disappeared from the watchful eyes of the Choirs, Michael turned his back on Xaphan and raised his chin, “Be gone.”

The mist beneath Xaphan could no longer handle her weight and gave out. She quickly began to sink through the cool surface as the weight of her wings pulled her down through space and time. Just before she disappeared from view, Xaphan raised her fist into the air and uttered one last cry, “Forever freedom!”

As Xaphan fell, she began to notice that the further she plummeted, the less her wings weighed. Much to her relief, she was quickly able to slow her decent by spreading her wings as far as she could. They caught the air, allowing her to hover as she proceeded downward.

Moments later, there was a bright light and a flash of energy. She was temporarily blinded by the light and did the best she could to remain hovering while her eyes adjusted. This was it; the light was her path out of the Celestial World.

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Damnation… sequel?

I’ve gotten a lot of questions on this one. I suppose that I may not have made this particularly clear on my previous posts… so I’ll try harder…

Yes, Damnation is a sequel… technically.

It is a follow-up novel to Divinity though dealing with an entirely different cast in the same universe:

Cover design by Brett Warniers!

Cover design by Brett Warniers!

Do Divinity characters make an appearance? Yes, but mostly as cameos.

Does this mean that Damnation can be read without Divinity?

Well… yes… There are a few plot points that won’t add up without knowing the prequel, but much of it is explained, so I do believe the story can hold its own. Even so, I strongly recommend reading the prequel at some point for reference if nothing else.

Thanks Friends!


Readers,

Do you have a question about writing, publishing, my stories, etc? Please feel free to post a comment or email me.
jimthewritingwizard@gmail.com
I’ll use those comments to select my next blog post.

I have been writing for several years, have 4 published works, experience with publishing and independent work, so I can hopefully be of assistance.
Please note, I only do one of these a day and will do my best to respond to everyone, but it may take some time.

Also, feel free to check out my works of Fantasy and Historical Fiction, Available on Amazon and where ever books are sold. See the link below:

http://www.amazon.com/James-Harrington/e/B00P7FBXTU

Thanks friends!
Catch you on the flip side!

-Jim