So I wanted to go over something that has always kind of irked me a little.
I covered it in a few of my stories, but I feel the need to go over it in a little more detail.
I know we’ve all had this person in our lives at one point… Someone from our past comes back to haunt us and basically brings up things that happen 10, 15, even 20 years ago and expects you to justify the actions of your younger, less mature self…
You have a quirk about you, perhaps an odd collection, or a way of doing things that is outside the norm. A person in your life sees that and tells you it makes you look odd, or tells you that you need to grow up.
People, I usually don’t take a very strong stance on such things and try to be the devil’s advocate… or at least the voice of reason and temperance, but I’m making an exception in these cases.
People, as I have written in a current story I’m working on: THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS!
They are not in your corner, and they will never accept you as you.
Now before anyone jumps down my throat, I’m not talking about people who are quick to anger, have mental issues, need help, or may be doing things that are killing themselves. I’m addressing those of us who don’t fall into those categories and still have an overly judgmental person telling us to change.
Perhaps they have good intentions, perhaps they are just trying to help you become…. more accepted in societal norms, and maybe they don’t know that they’re being condescending and mean. Well that’s fine, but let’s say you heed their advice. You apologize for something that happened when you were younger and didn’t know any better, or you get rid of your collection, change your eccentricity, and become that person’s definition of ‘normal’ or ‘grown up,’ are you happier now?
Let me put it another way; You have grown into your own, you’re not hurting anyone or yourself with what you’re doing. You’re happy, successful, and people like you as you are… why on Earth would you ever want to change that? Are you a little immature? Do you still like your video games/comic books/toys/etc? Are you outgoing and an open book with people? So what? What is wrong with any of that?
You’re unique, we all are. Since when did that become a crime?
A while back, during a rather heated argument between a few people, one asked me, “Well I mean, we all have things in our lives didn’t go the way we hoped. Jim, I mean I’m sure you have some things you regret or wish you could go back and change, right?”
At the time, I simply asked to be left out of it… but since then, I’ve gone over the incident again and again in my mind.
It didn’t dawn on me until I wrote it out in a character recently. One of my heroines has a bit of a dark past from when she was a child. Things happened that, in hindsight, weren’t the best choices, except she didn’t know that at the time. Only when she stopped feeling bad about things she couldn’t change and dismissed those who constantly tried to make her apologize for those things was she actually able to grow and become strong.
That’s when it came to me. No, no I don’t regret things that could, or possibly should have, gone differently. Regret is a waste of time and brain power. You can’t change what happened, what happened was a building block that brought you to where you are now. You may not like it, but be grateful for it. It’s a mistake you won’t make twice.
Case and point, never apologize for who you are, and don’t let anyone tell you that you have to continuously apologize for your past. If someone doesn’t like it, didn’t accept your apology the first time, or doesn’t get that you’re happy the way you are, move on.
Anyway, that’s my rant for the day. Hopefully someone will find it helpful.
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Catch you on the flip side!